The Smelling of the Rose

Ahoy all!!

There’s an isolation I’ve been feeling, also a terrible wildness in the air and in my mind. I know the feeling of isolation in this wildness is absurd on account of the world these days. We should be unified in this wild wind. I pray it to be so as soon as humanly possible.

My heart feels full with no exit route for any of it to go, I feel no place of rest in my mind, body or spirit. Perpetual agitation of some kind.

This of course swings wildly with feelings of deep peace and a grasp of the understanding of eternity. I had watched some birds in an enclosure a few days ago and wondered how long it had been that I’d been watching them and it occurred to me that it didn’t matter, if it had been 15 minutes or hours, those birds would be doing just what they were, and would continue to do so long after I left. There was no end to their stories in the time that I would watch them.

It dawned on me that this applies to my life no matter the time that passes or the deeds carried out, I will never receive a resolution to my internal story, that life itself is not a story but a kaleidoscope that never ends. Until it does, here anyway.

I think the fear of death comes from the narrative way of life, we feel our story will end and that just totally blows. If you think about your dreams however, and how they come and go, how they make sense while you dream them and sometimes none at all once you wake, I think you get a glimpse into death, and the end of the dream of life.

I notice my own narrative of life fluctuating week to week, seeing so many different sides to various situations. It becomes abundantly clear that most everything is unknowable and what I can only truly know is myself because that is where all definition comes from.

Definition is the funniest of things, especially collectively, it takes a lot of faith and help to create unified definition. It’s often catastrophic as we see in these times, to try so hard to make a definitive definition. Because you CANT nail this thing down! This world is a greased up goose on the run! It will evade you unceasingly. The only options you have are to accept ambiguity or dilute yourself into a sense of definition. 🪿

I can’t nail it down any how, I have no right to speak for you. You may be the one who truly does know the comings and goings, the ins and outs of the whole gambit! To you a hearty salute is owed. 🫡

In a place that is unknowable, unending and dreamlike, what is there to do but chill all the way out?

I find in this dream that what is imaginary is always taken care of based on my belief about said imaginary thing. (Money, bureaucracy, societal standards, language limitations)

I have a belief in an unconventional, unknowable God, the dreamer that dreams us all and I truly believe that God is good, and this world only seems cruel if you believe it to be real. Plato messed up big time back in the day solidifying himself and generations to come as having some unshakable reality to them. When you make yourself that solid then the narrative comes back, your story becomes your identity and your mind unceasingly amends your fluid perception of this wild ride.

To give up your story is to die, to die today is to live forever tomorrow, for if you are not you but the dreamer dreaming a dream, what is there to do when the dreaming machine that is your body gives way but wake up?

I think the wildness I’ve been feeling in part is resistance to all this, it’s a huge shift to make, being narrative bound your whole life is quite a thing to undo. Seeing the futility in making a story is quite unsettling at first, but then the peace you feel is beyond compare.

This fluctuation is the roughest part, dying is no easy task. Giving up your held perception is a weighty thing. Our minds made up of so many threads and connections, it can be devastating if done too fast.

Maybe that’s the key for little ol’ me, slow it down. The time is very much there. The body and mind must catch up. It gets frustrating to wait on them, to know something better and have it take so much time to integrate. That’s the ride however! And it will be ok so long as I stop to smell the roses.

That’s all I have for now, take your time and have some fun.

With Love, David